Pull Myself Together

October 2005

Built off a bouncy little stop-and-go rhythm I got stuck in my own head over the summer, which makes it feel like such a happy song. I wish it could be happier, though it sits on the cheerful, well-meaning side of a tough goodbye. I printed out a copy, and then somebody asked to read it in the elevator, and then asked to keep it. So that’s reassuring.

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I want no one, to tell me what to live for
I’ve got no one, there’s nothing I can be
But I need only one, to put it all together
I need only one, to help me to be free

And I’ve no faith, I seek no mighty savior
And I’ve no pride, nor simple vanity
And I’m no fool, I seek no perfect stranger
I am only looking for the one I need

And I need only one, to pull myself together
And I need only one, to love me tenderly
I need only one, only one and nothing better
I need only you, if only you could see

But it’s too late, to put it back together
And it’s too long, too strange to wait and see
So it’s “fare thee well,” and beware of stormy weather
And it’s “fare thee well,” I guess I’d better leave

So I’m going away, a long, long way away
Though I don’t know if I’m going anywhere
And I’m going away, I got to get away today
And I don’t know if I’ll come back anymore

I’m going away, ‘cause there’s no place I can stay
But then again I could be right back here tomorrow
And tomorrow I don’t know, there’s no place I can go
But everything I need I can borrow

So it’s fare thee well, I’m bound for stormy weather
And it’s so long, I’ll find another way
And it’s such a shame, but nothing lasts forever
If you need me I’ll be back again someday

And I need only one, to put it all together
And I need one chance; I guess it’s hard to see
Cause it’s so strange, and it’s neither now nor never
I’m still looking for the only one I need.

Ought to Know Better

June 2005

More of a pop/rock idiom this time. A song for a time of hopeful anticipation and a bit of frustration. Been finished for a while, just never bothered to post it.

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And all the things she has to tell me are the things she doesn’t know,
And all the things she has to give me are the things she doesn’t own,
And the only thing I ask of her is what she doesn’t show
And I really ought to know better, I really ought to know better
But I’m not letting go.

Tell me something,
Tell me I can hang around awhile
Tell me that you want me, that you need me, that you love me
But I don’t really mind if you don’t.

Because I really ought to know better anyway,
But I’m not taking good advice today.

And sometimes I try to listen for the things she doesn’t say
But no matter what she tells me I can wait another day
And there’s no use in explaining for it just gets in the way
And I’m supposed to get over it anyway

Tell me something
Tell me not to give up for a while
Tell me that you want me, that you need me, that you love me
But I don’t really mind if you don’t

Because I really ought to know better anyway
But it’s –
Well, it’s –
Because it’s –
You know it’s something but it’s more than I can say.
And you won’t really mind if I don’t.

To You (Like a River)

July 2005

A “remix”, if you will, of my earlier poem. And yeah, I know the theme has been done. But I came up with the last two stanzas and felt they fit onto “To You”. Another one I actually have a way to sing. Obviously I could sing most of it before, but the new stanzas have a different, though partly similar, melody.

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Like a river to the ocean
Like a salmon to the stream
Like a dying man to water
Like a lobster to the steam

Like a freight train, slowly rolling
Slowly rolling down the line
I’ll come rolling to your doorstep
If you’ve ever got the time

And I’m running out of options
And I’m running out of time
I’ll come running straight to your arms
That is if you don’t mind.

Like an arrow to the target
Like a bolt from the blue
If you’ll answer one more question
I’ll come flying straight to you

I’ve got nothing left to give you
I’ve got nothing left to lose
If you give me one more answer
Then I’ll fall in love with you.

Like a coward out of danger
Like a prisoner going free
Like a hammer needs an anvil
Like a blind man needs to see.

Like a river, slowly flowing
Slowly rolling to the sea
If I ever get close to you
Won’t you please stay close to me?

Like a river, to the all-receiving ocean
Like a sailor, to the all-forgiving sea
Like the rain comes, in one ever-loving motion
Let my heart fly, to wherever you may be.

As the gulls cry, across the all-believing ocean
As the storms roll, up from the all-redeeming sea
Like a river, full of swift torrential motion
Let my love flow, to wherever you may be

Crazy Ideas

July 2005

This one probably I will have to work on further at some point, but most of it is as it should be. Something of an optimistic poem/song for me, it took a while to put together. The middle stanza actually originated separately and then was combined with the first two, at which point I had to write very little to come up with the last two, which nonetheless solidify an uncertain romantic optimism.

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Well did you ever think maybe you were somebody else’s problem?
And did you ever think maybe you were somebody else’s troubled, troubled, troubled mind?
And did you ever think maybe you could do it again if you tried?
Or that you’d never survive?
And did you ever think maybe you were taking the easy way out?

Because, now and again, when your head’s in the middle
And you’re trying to figure how to figure it out,
Well, there’s nothing to stop you from dreaming
You might be somebody else’s craziest, craziest, crazy idea.

Would you tell me if I’d noticed that you noticed me before?
Could I tell you if you told me that I wanted you for more
Than just a simple intuition, just a simple piece of mind
And do you mind I have to tell you you’ve been very hard to find?

Because, now and again, when you’re stuck in a riddle
And you’re trying to figure how to figure it out
Well, there’s nothing to stop you from dreaming
No, there’s nothing to stop you from dreaming
And there’s nothing to stop me from dreaming of you

Well did you ever think maybe you were somebody else’s problem?
And did you ever think maybe you were somebody else’s troubled, troubled, troubled mind?
And did you ever think maybe you could do it again if you tried?
Or that you’d never survive?
And did you ever think maybe you had just about figured it out?

Figure It Out While I'm Down

July 1, 2005

I’m not saying it’s good, I’m just saying it's long enough. At this point it’s a one-night effort. Sort of an expression of frustrated optimism, doing one of those weird cyclical patterns I occasionally fall into. The indents in the stanzas that have them represent a different voice or attitude. Should be a song eventually, but the variations in the line rhythms will make it tricky to put together.

What do we know?
What do we care?
What are we coming to?
Are you coming too?
You know maybe it’s not there…

But I’ve no reason to be down here in the first place
And no reasonable reason to be nowhere after all,
Going nowhere telling no one that I’ve got nowhere to fall.

But I’ll figure it out when I get there.
I’ll figure it out while I’m down.
With nowhere to go but up, at least maybe,
Well, maybe just nowhere to go
But if I figure it out without falling down, you’ll be the first to know.

Where have I been?
Where did you go?
What are we running from?
Aren’t you having fun?
Wouldn’t you be the first to know?

But I’ve no reason to be leaving in the first place
And no reasonable reason to be anywhere at all,
Going anywhere for anyone who can peel me off the wall.

But I’ll figure it out when I get there.
I’ll figure it out while I’m down.
With nobody left here to tell me I’m fading,
Or maybe just somebody else
But if I figure it out without falling down, you’ll be the first to know.

Something in the Wind

February-April 2005

I… am not really sure what to say about this one. Very much a jumble of thoughts over a period. Originally, it owes something to “Suite – Judy Blue Eyes” but it didn’t stay songlike.

There is something in the wind
And in the January sky
That does not know me anymore
Than I know who I am today.

Yet I follow in my footsteps
Back where I have gone before
And find I’m wishing that the dawn was near at hand.

But I was born to be a gypsy
I was born to be a poet and a fool
And she was made to make me restless
Reckless wandering before the break of day.

Yet I follow in the green grass
Back where early morning sunshine
Will only make me turn my head away and wander on.

But I was born to hear the rhythm
Of the sunshine in the swaying trees
And though I know not who I am
I know more than I will ever find to say.

Yet I follow in the wilderness
Where her heartbeat moves the rivers
And the streams of time just might flow back to me.

There is something in the April rain
That tells me what I’ve left behind
And I wonder how it knows me
And if ever it will all come back my way.

Misbelieving

June 2005

A statement of sorts. With a structure that is either complex or just sort of unstable, I can’t tell. This is one that’s had bits and pieces done for over a year, so it’s something of a composite of feelings. Also, it proves that I really just like playing with words.

I hold that the universe is
Inextricably inexplicable
To itself.

And our hold on the universe
Is amenably untenable
And not so firm
As it seems.

But we are not lost until we let it go
We are not blind until we see it so

And the universe holds with
Benevolent ambivalence
Something apart from us
And is stranger
Than it seems.

But there is no hope unless we cry
There is no faith unless we try
You wonder how and I’ll wonder why
But we cannot fall until we fly

And the universe keeps throwing
Unexpected undetected
Unbeliever’s miracles
At us.